The Dripping Hourglass

I sipped my morning coffee while looking up at the only remaining party decoration, a woodland themed wreath, which hangs above my table. I’m reminded that my grand scheme of distraction has come to an end. The party is over, the dust has settled, and now I’m left with the sting of reality…Ron is deploying.

My breaths are becoming heavier and short as the days and hours slip by. I haven’t broken down or released the waterworks, I’m just numb. I’ve played this game, danced the dance, and I’m wise enough to know what’s around the corner. It can’t be stopped, it can’t be slowed down, and there’s no going back.

It’s like being on steel tracks when the train is moving at full speed. Frozen. Or in the middle of a tidal wave and not being able to paddle out. Helpless. Or being trapped in a shark’s tank, feeling vulnerable.

But when push comes to shove, I’m going to let that train hit me, and allow that wave to carry me under, because when I stand up on the other side, I will begin to feel again, the numbness will subside, and I can begin to rebuild and reshape my household until my better half returns.

The buildup is always the hardest –emotionally building up for him to leave, mentally building up for his return. Minutes cruelly stretch into hours, and hours linger into weeks. It’s a mental game of tug-a-war; I want time to freeze and capture the quickly moving moments, but yet I want the deployment clock to start ticking and the hourglass to flip over so we can begin the 6+ month countdown and anticipate his homecoming.

As military wives of deployed loved ones, we’ve been put into an unimaginable situation. A situation where the only guideline to follow is to carry on. A situation where it hurts so much that we have to force ourselves out of bed. A situation that brings equal parts of pain and pride.

Pride is stronger than pain, and good trumps evil. That in itself is worth carrying on and standing tall, standing proud.

We mustn’t fall.


"love bears all things, hopes all things, endures all things." 1Corinthians13:7

Much Love,
 Em

Wrapping it Up with Better Days

It seems almost pointless to write about our Christmas Day as it’s like…so last year. And yet I still find myself starring at a blank computer screen trying to find the perfect words to express my feelings.

I can’t find them.

It has been an unusually hard year. I can’t remember a time when I’ve had such constant raw emotion, and as the year rapidly rushed to an end, it all built up too quickly and I broke down.

I miss my family. I miss the warmth that came at Christmas dinner when we all gathered around the table, passing dishes of vegetables and helpings of Christmas ham. I miss the stories that were shared and the laughter that always followed. I miss everyone gathering around the tree to open presents, one by one. I miss the energy, the enthusiasm, the happiness that ignited when we all came together. I took these moments for granted growing up, and as an adult I see the importance in embracing one another and creating traditions. While I have a little family of my own and strive to follow in such family traditions passed down from the great ones before me, geography creates an issue. Geography creates a hole-- a 2,000 mile wide hole.

And with the days leading up to Christmas, I mustered up all the Christmas spirit I could get my hands on and took my family to see the lights in Bricktown. The town was gorgeous with every tree adorned with hundreds of twinkling lights.

Just seeing their eyes shine as bright as the lights themselves as we walked down the canal made the loneliness subside. Because no matter how far apart we are from family, we’re never alone. I carried Nana with me that night. I imagined myself pointing at the lights and the festive decorations saying, “Nana, look at that one! Isn’t that pretty?!” And she would say, “Oh yes, that’s beautiful Darling!”

Krysta said, “Mom, it’s like thousands of fairies!”

It’s moments like these that make bundling up your babies and strolling out in below freezing weather totally worthwhile.

Strolling down the brick lanes of Bricktown is defiantly going to be a yearly tradition while we’re stationed at Tinker AFB.

She constantly gives him all kinds of lovings… and William wants nothing to do with smooches.

************************************************************

Some friends of ours gave us the heads up on another festive outing, so there was no hesitation to throw the kids in their jammies and caravan through a drive-thru light show.

Ron and I were digging the patriotic themed light displays.

And the Great Debate of the night: Is this a reindeer or a bunny? And is this reindeer/bunny taking a poo?

You be the judge.

I love these spontaneous family outings. It’s all about embracing the little things and living in the moment, all while sharing it with the ones you love, even if they can’t physically be with you, tuck them inside the pouch in your heart --you know, the sparkly one that’s always expanding, the one that always has room for more, the one that’s never too small or cramped--  so they stay with you always.

************************************************************

William’s two year old molars decided to give him few problems on Christmas morning; he was so miserable that he wanted nothing to do with partaking in the gift giving. In fact, it took him two days to unwrap his gifts.

Krysta on the other hand ripped through her gifts like there was no tomorrow. She was on Cloud9!

There’s nothing more soul satisfying than seeing your babies 100% content, full of excitement and anticipation.

It’s a new year with a blank slate, a book of blank pages with chapters begging to be written. As we start 2012, I wish everyone a year of adventure and bliss that fills your book from cover to cover. We can’t wait to see what this year brings us— to fill in our life’s next chapter. It’s going to be awesome.

“When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive- to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love-then make that day count!”
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free


Much Love,
Em

Kicks & Bricks

It was an ordinary day, turned extraordinary.

The weekend started out like all others —I’m greeted by the strong fragrance of coffee wafting through the kitchen as heavy feet shuffled down the hallway, and the theme song from “Mickey Mouse Clubhouse” strummed through the air as my bunny and squirrel bobbed their heads in sync with the rhythm.

We usually shut ourselves off from the world during the weekend, but on this particular morning, I left my phone on, and sure enough…it rang. I hesitantly answered. 

Heeello?

Whatcha doing?

It was one my besties, Tabetha.

Nooothing?

You guys wanna meet up?

Yup!

Like there’s any convincing us to go. When the Swerts are involved, good times are sure to follow!

And a good time it was.

Quickie Background Story: Tabetha and I met 5/6 years ago while we were both stationed at Pope AFB, in North Carolina. Since then, they got out of the Air Force and moved to New York, while we were re-stationed at Elmendorf AFB, in Alaska. Now, 5 years later we’re both living in Oklahoma within 2 hours of each other.
 We clicked right away, like peanut butter and jelly.  We differ on religion and politics, but when it comes to parenting and family values, we’re the same, and that’s exactly what makes us tick.

Now back to the program…

We got our kicks on Route 66.

We first stopped at a cute little joint for lunch called, Pops. Pops was fully stocked --wall to wall, ceiling to floor-- with 100’s of flavored soda bottles in every color of the rainbow.

Swamp Juice anyone? It’s SODAsgusting!

As the heat died down and the sunrays mellowed out, we headed back towards OKC to check out the fun happenings in Bricktown. 

We’ve never been to Bricktown, so I was more than happy to be able to explore and discover this area of Oklahoma City with another fun-loving family.

The area was booming.

It reminded me of Downtown Anchorage during the summer. The streets were full of people, with music flowing from various buildings and street corners, and artists painting on sidewalks. The town was full of energy, and it was the first time in a longtime, that I felt 100% content --somewhere squeezed between my family and my bestie, with excitement surrounding us, that perhaps I’ve finally found my footing.

It felt like old times, where it was just us, just being, with friends and family, rolling with the punches, and enjoying one another in the moment. Because it’s in the little details, the small moments, and the quick flashes of time that we truly experience random specks of pure joy.  It’s what turns the ordinary into the extraordinary.

We lingered until our shadows grew long, and the sun bowed down to a pink glow, making way for the moon and stars.

We'll be back for more kicks and bricks... and if we're lucky, we'll be enjoy it with good friends and heavy laughs.

Till then,

Em